his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
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