ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
