Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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