Umm I'm too high to move.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
