Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Randomize
