No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
