Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
