i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
