The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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