you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
