THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
