She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
