I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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