So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
