I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
