i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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