Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
