She announced her abortion via fbk
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
My ATM looks so different sober.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Randomize
