Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
