you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
