Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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