That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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