she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
