my soul wont recognize me after tonight
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
