she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
