just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
