everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
