we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
