Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
