Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
