Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
