he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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