I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
