I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
