Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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