I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
