I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
