I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
