just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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