He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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