i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
