I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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