She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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