I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
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