I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
