I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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