I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
