Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
That accounts for only three of the penises
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
