Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
