You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
