you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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