I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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