i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
