What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
