I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
You need a sexual gate keeper
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
