I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize