Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I intend to get homeless drunk
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
