Got a toothbrush?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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