can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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