I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
