but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I still have a little drunk in my system
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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