i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I wish you could order shots online.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
