Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
