Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
