I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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