just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize