I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
