Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
