I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
