This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
