Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
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