Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
